Sunday, February 22, 2009

Whyever not??


Today was a good day. Out and about.

Went to IIT and met the kid..nice kid, did I tell you. Way too straightforward man..just the way I like em.

She let us out on the best kept IITian secret. The Nescafe joint. We turned from the main IIT road into the lane which I thought was a dead end but when we stopped under a tree looked more like a secluded jungle spot. Then just turn your head around a bit and whoa what have you..A nice, open area with lovely tables strewn around and man I had a ball there. It was great the ambience..or the lack of it should I say.

There she asked me this question. A profound question. A profound moment..

'Why are you so weak?' ( in other words why cant I just up and leave the sitch I am in)

Uh ahem did I tell you diplomacy isnt her strongest point. So there it was when I least expected it. A hammer blow on the head.

I stammered then gained momentum once I started. I said 'I dont know, I guess I didnt have any options'. Then I checked the sentence in my head and went heck whatever will she think of me cause everybody has options. So tried explaining what I meant.

'I dont have any options, I guess, I mean I dont want any options because I guess love is/ was like a dead end for me. You reach there and there's no further that you can go. Thats how I felt at least.'

In retrospect - Not put very brightly - ho hum.

Maybe what I meant was that it was where I wanted to be all my life..for me it was for keeps. I mean not this hell I am in right now but the lurve that at that time I felt I was getting into..the warm fuzzy love feeling. The first thing that I blurted out when I saw the Nescafe place was 'heck I wish it was here when we were dating'

God all this sounds so Juvenile. Thats my problem in life. I never grew up.

The female version of Peter Pan - well mentally at least. I guess I am gonna write some more on this topic tomorrow.


  1. It is a rending read, these thoughts and pictures you present here. The husband and the kid, the beating, some motherfuckers deserve to die, coldly and alone.

    The question; "Why are you so weak?" So jaded sounding coming from one younger. The answer is not that you are still in love with what was but rather that the tree hasn't shed the seasons fruit yet.

    I am going to link you budhah and check in as i walk this universe,

  2. Thank you so much walking dont know how much your comment means to me.
    Thanks I would love to be linked with a soul like you even as we walk our separate ways..