Today was a good day. Out and about.
Went to IIT and met the kid..nice kid, did I tell you. Way too straightforward man..just the way I like em.
She let us out on the best kept IITian secret. The Nescafe joint. We turned from the main IIT road into the lane which I thought was a dead end but when we stopped under a tree looked more like a secluded jungle spot. Then just turn your head around a bit and whoa what have you..A nice, open area with lovely tables strewn around and man I had a ball there. It was great the ambience..or the lack of it should I say.
There she asked me this question. A profound question. A profound moment..
'Why are you so weak?' ( in other words why cant I just up and leave the sitch I am in)
Uh ahem did I tell you diplomacy isnt her strongest point. So there it was when I least expected it. A hammer blow on the head.
I stammered then gained momentum once I started. I said 'I dont know, I guess I didnt have any options'. Then I checked the sentence in my head and went heck whatever will she think of me cause everybody has options. So tried explaining what I meant.
'I dont have any options, I guess, I mean I dont want any options because I guess love is/ was like a dead end for me. You reach there and there's no further that you can go. Thats how I felt at least.'
In retrospect - Not put very brightly - ho hum.
Maybe what I meant was that it was where I wanted to be all my life..for me it was for keeps. I mean not this hell I am in right now but the lurve that at that time I felt I was getting into..the warm fuzzy love feeling. The first thing that I blurted out when I saw the Nescafe place was 'heck I wish it was here when we were dating'
God all this sounds so Juvenile. Thats my problem in life. I never grew up.
The female version of Peter Pan - well mentally at least. I guess I am gonna write some more on this topic tomorrow.